Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
