So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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