I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
