lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
