Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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