I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
