I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
