I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
