After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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