your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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