A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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