Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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