I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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