how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
