I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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