Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
