I wish life had little blips of pornography
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
