There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
