I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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