i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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