My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
