There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
