True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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