Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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