I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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