She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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