He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
