if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
