I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
