I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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