i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
