If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fuck appropriateness.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
