What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
