i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
a search helicopter?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
