I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
