I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize