Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
