pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
