Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
