dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
