Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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