I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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