If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
