My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
