Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
