The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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