He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So much rum. So many feels.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The air taste purple.
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