Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
