So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
