I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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