I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize