Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
