if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
