And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
