theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
