hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
