Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
