I wish I could teleport
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
