Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
