Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All the doctor said was why
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize