He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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