Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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