4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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