Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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