I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
