I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
