my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His nipple licking is glorious
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