Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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