You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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