Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
