Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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