Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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