That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
